It took me a long time to understand what self love meant.
I finally learned but I think it was a natural process.
There came a time in which I simply felt different.
Before it was like a game, especially when it came to relationships, in which you had to learn “how to act”, what to do to impress that guy you really liked.
There are a million “rules” apparently.
And the ones I did “implement” were out of pride usually.
Now I realize something shifted in me, maybe as I got older.
I realized whatever beauty I might have is fading… it will fade quickly.
And all you’ll be left with is who you are and not how you look like.
In the end, if there’s someone out there coming my way, they’ll only stay if they know how to look beyond what they see.
So what’s the point in chasing someone?
I can only reveal myself to people who actually want to know more.
Otherwise, it’s an empty, dull, repetitive experience.
And that’s when I stopped crying.
That’s when I started putting myself first.
I can’t beg for love. As I can’t beg for friendship.
Whoever wants to stay in my life will have to put in the effort.
As I’ll put in the effort if I’d like them to stay. But no longer putting my effort in anyone just because I’m single.
I also want to be impressed, can’t worry only of “impressing”.
I’ll be single until there’s someone whom I don’t feel the need to impress. Until there’s someone who will want to stay.
My life isn’t anyone else’s pit stop.
It’s my most precious gift.
And I decided I’m worth more than that (I had to go through the lack of it to finally appreciate myself).
I started by making an effort but at some point it was just there.
And that made me happy.
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