“It’s not about fixing toxic people, it’s about fixing in yourself whatever has connected to them”.
Yesterday I was reflecting on what could make a guy make certain promises and raise certain hopes to a woman and then disappear.
Today I’m reflecting on what is it about women that makes them believe so quickly and strongly in all those sweet words and actions.
Is it that we live in fantasy land?
Is it that we crave for affection that much and just like that connect to someone whom we don’t really know?
Is it that we have so much love to give that we just give it to anyone who wants to take it?
We put ourselves in this kind of situations and we don’t even know how we got there.
Are we so needy, so empty, so naive that we don’t see it?
It makes us so exposed to toxic people… because something in us is also toxic.
That level of toxicity turns into an addiction to tiny crumbs of affection.
So what’s our responsibility in that?
How about we fix ourselves first?
How about we fix our own health, pride, self-esteem, dignity and sense of self-respect?
It’s not an on and off switch.
It doesn’t happen just because you want to.
Your mind and your body play tricks.
Your heart is a mystery.
It takes a long time until you understand which is which.
It takes time until you draw the line simply because you want to.
The awareness that the key to start a detachment process is within you is the first step.
Most times we don’t hurt because of love but because we’re lonely, broken, scared we’ll be alone forever, with no family of our own, no kids, no living the dream.
The prospect of designing a life in which you’re the solo protagonist, with no support structure, is overwhelming.
So we get attached to anyone who sees us in hopes of them being different.
That connection comes from our fragility, fears and insecurities.
These ones are to be acknowledged in a relationship but they can’t be all there is to it.
And sometimes, they are all to it.
That’s when you know it’s a toxic relationship.
And that’s when you know you can’t fear losing something you’ve never had.
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