I don’t understand how someone can say and do so much and then disappear as if nothing has happened.
As if I meant nothing.
You made me insignificant overnight and decided not to tell me.
I only know the person you are today is not the person I met.
You’re not who you showed me you were.
I met someone warm, caring, manly, vulnerable, strong, beautiful on the outside and on the inside, mature, insightful, with sense of humor.
Now I only see at distance passing by a cold ice block, indifferent, touching arrogant kind of person.
I still don’t think this is you.
I still think you hurt.
I still think you’re lonely.
I still think you feel unappreciated.
I still think something grounds you and keeps you from living.
But… I know you didn’t want my help, my support, my growing love.
No one is obliged to want someone in their lives.
But one is obliged to show respect for what’s been said and done.
You know better.
You can do better.
Even if it’s stepping away.
You could have done it the right way.
But you chose the mean, small way out without an apology.
You chose to inflict the pain you always hope to spare yourself from.
I’m good, but it does hurt.
I don’t hide.
I don’t pretend to be super human.
I do have feelings. Lots of them.
I am too much.
I will always be too much.
I forgive you anyhow.
It’s easy to forgive, impossible to forget.
I do hope you find your way to happiness.
To your dreams.
As I hope I find my own.
My own intense happiness.
My own intense, unconditional, understanding, non judgmental love.
My own intense fulfillment.
My own “too much”.
And with that wish and wishing you much love, I turn the page.
I free myself.
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