About Friendship

Thinking back in my life I realize just how important my friends have been.
They were there after my first break-up, then after my second break-up. Then there were other ‘mini-breakups’ (which I’ll speak about later on) and they were there. Because although they were mini, the pain was a big thing and it was real. And again, my friends were there to see me cry and to help me get back up again.
The thing is… it wasn’t always the same friends… Life has a way of twisting, turning and shaking in a never-ending, natural, dynamic way.
I wonder how some people just change their behavior in such an unexpected way. In my whole life I lost 2 friends and it was already too much. Still to this day I can’t explain why.
I come to the conclusion that my temper doesn’t help (sorry for that, working on it) but also that the people who love you, will love you with your flaws. Especially if you respect and love them regardless of everything else.
If you hurt someone, apologize.
If you’re rude to someone, and you just realize it later on, apologize anyway.
And you try and be better and avoid it. But if you really can’t, at least you know that the people you love will still be there and will tell you off if they have to.
And you’ll be humble enough to take it.
I struggle with people who just vanish from your life. What did you do wrong?
Where do you draw the line of ‘what did I do to push him/her away’ to ‘I’ve done everything I could’?
Where do you excuse yourself knowing it wasn’t your fault?
When does it become a conscious choice of ‘I don’t want this in my life’ and you make the decision of stepping back yourself instead of looking for it?
I compare friendships to relationships (with the obvious differences).
You have to nurture them and grow them. You have to commit to them.
You have to be present… not because you have to, but because you want to.
And ultimately, if you can’t be yourself, if you’re a burden, then it’s the wrong deal for you.
If your love and complete loyalty are not valued, something is not right and no need to insist.
Is Loyalty a dying value? Is it too much to ask for nowadays?
friendship

About Meeting People

So here we are.
Beautiful, confidant, independent women, over thirty (way over 30 in my case!) and still single. We make our own money, we take care of our own house, even our own car. We cook (if we want to), we work striving to grow a career… in a foreign country in the Middle East. You’ve done it all by yourself.
With no man by your side, no shoulder to cry on when it gets rough. No one to come home to. No one to cuddle you and warm your feet – you have the hot water bag for that! You’re strong as a bull but soft as a kitten. But no one really knows. Any of that.
And still single (I know I’ve said it before, just reinforcing the thought). You can’t meet anyone in this big, exotic, middle eastern place.
So… what could be better to meet people other than a dating app? Of course!! How could you not think of that before?! The male species are all represented in these dating apps. For sure, you’ll have plenty to choose from!!
Jokes aside now, shall we? What makes us, grown people, having our jobs, friends, family, turn to a dating app as way of meeting people?
What happened to the typical ways of meeting people? Why are these apps so successful?
Why do we need to turn to a ‘people catalogue’, browsing photos, deciding whether we ‘like’ them or not? It’s an online supermarket where you find people for every taste… and you don’t have to pay for it!! You find all sorts of guys, some more handsome than others. And you choose based on their beauty/physique.
If they like your looks too, lucky you, you’ll get a match. Uhuuuu!! And then?
Well, if you’re even luckier, he’ll start a conversation! Probably not an interesting one… ‘Hey, how are you?’, ‘Where are you from?’, ‘How long have you been living here?’, ‘What do you do?’ and most times, that’s it. Some ask for your Whatsapp number and continue chatting there.
You might just chat about the weather, but if you’re really lucky, you’ll find someone who actually is able to hold a decent conversation and raise your interest.
So, then you meet in person. Can be coffee, dinner, a drink…
And then, some guys just seem perfect. They seem the full package, as others you just know it’s not your thing.
Anything can happen from there on. Or absolutely nothing!
You might believe you’re in love just like that.
My question is WHY? Why do we search for love in someone you don’t know but suddenly, after one coffee, you already see him as the right guy because he’s completely your style… Or you can just be looking for… other affairs, which makes it all so much easier! It’s a clean shot. You just choose the one that suits you the most.
But most of us (from my experience, at least) are really looking for Love. And you get all happy thinking you’ll find love in one of these ‘volunteers’ to meet you. And then you crash. You might actually get burned. And then you cry. And then you start over. Yes… you do… You put yourself out there again and again. You expose yourself to these predators, getting crumbs, tiny pieces of love (in your mind only). Until eventually you become a predator yourself and loose track of who you really are. You loose track of the shiny bright person you are to become an obsessed ‘swiping’ predator.
How do we get to that point?
How do we go from beautiful, independent, confidant women to a needy, naive being who believes that what that guy is telling you is true?
In the end I don’t even believe any of these guys to be intrinsically a bad person. You’re just in different moments of life, with different goals. And again… you’re the one putting yourself out there.
I have so much to say about this… I have heard so many different things, met so many different people and I’ve been through so much.… I question myself… I’ll tell you all my stories and adventures over time. You’ll have a laugh.. or a cry! Not sure which one!
See you soon!… and hold your questions… answers will come!

about meeting someone