Do you know when you meet someone? And you feel optimistic about it?
You think ‘there’s something about this guy’ but don’t really know what?
He’s everything you wished for and you feel a connection, you ‘feel’ that it’s mutual… (or so you think… until you either kick or get kicked and the next guy comes along)
He’s telling you everything you want to hear… everything you so much need to hear.
Deep down you may know it’s a lie because everything is so fragile and so new that it might be gone in a heartbeat. So you choose to believe it… it gives you hope and you don’t always want to be on the negative note. You know when something is too good to be true, it usually is…
But these ‘sweet little lies’ are powerful.
These lies feed our hungry heart and soul.
You’re craving for something and you’ll take almost whatever is thrown your way.
That’s why inevitably you’ll ‘pretend’ to believe them and if someone sticks around for more than just a bit you’ll actually believe them. Especially if you’re a Believer yourself.
At this point you don’t have the rational understanding to deconstruct whatever is happening and you choose to go with the flow. ‘What will be, will be’… and you close your eyes and let go.
And it’s when you let go of your guard that reality hits you… These once sweet lies have turned into bitter pieces of words…
How could they only be lies? How could someone lie so well? How could you have believed it? Where was your sane judgment? How could you not see it? Is it my problem?
If I had a dollar for each time someone told me ‘you’re beautiful’, I’d be rich. You become immune to the word. I wonder what ‘beautiful’ means to them, as I’m very sure they say it quicker than they can breathe.
Compliments become vague and empty, meaningless.
You get used to living in a world of lies.
Now… here’s the thing… How will you know if they are sweet lies or not? It’s 8 or 80!
You either believe this guy you really like and seems to like you back and see where it goes, or you shut your door without even checking who’s there. And you sarcastically laugh whenever someone tries to get close to you because you know they’re bees looking for the honey. And you decide whether you want to be a Queen Bee or not.
So where’s that balance?
My heart is an open book. And I don’t know how to keep it closed all the time.
However, some time ago, I wanted to show it to anyone who came close to me. Nowadays, I feel like I have to ‘protect’ my book… not anyone can just come and read it. Not everyone deserves my sincere ‘This is Me’ posture. I wanted to show how funny, smart and interesting I was. I wanted to show the real Me, my personality.
But most people don’t know how to handle an open book. Or maybe they’re just not up for the reading…
They want the light surface of you. But you’re not just a light surface.
There’s a whole world in each of us. There’s more to you than a smile. There’s more to you than ‘easy going’.
You do have an intense look on your face. You do talk about deep stuff. You do have a dream.
So for now, I just write my posts and keep my book closed.
Until the day someone who actually enjoys reading, opens it up and reads it till the end.