Love and Everyday Affairs

I think often of what it means to have a Dream.

For a long time I thought I didn’t have a Dream because I didn’t have a Plan. This is my ugly truth. I don’t have a Plan. I don’t have a goal set up for a certain timeframe. I’m not that organized. And there are things I want to live Now. Others in a few years. But I can’t really break it down to the detail of what is it I want, when and how I’ll get there. Another ugly truth… I really have no clue on how to achieve my dreams. That’s why for a long time I thought I didn’t have any.

I thought my only Dream was finding Prince Charming… well… what if there isn’t a Prince Charming for me? What if there’s no ‘Love of My Life’ for me? Do I become an empty cup forever, with no hopes, no aspirations?

When I came to Dubai, I came for a Job. I didn’t have a vision. I didn’t have a Plan. I didn’t have a Dream.

I didn’t know if I’d fit in. Didn’t know if I’d succeed. But I felt like I needed to do it. So I did.

Slowly I realized I could fit in. Maybe there would be a tiny space for me, even if for a short period of time. I’ve been here for 3 years. And in these 3 years I feel like  I’ve done more, seen more and learned more than in my whole life back home. Some people just don’t belong in one place, they belong to many places.

I learned I do have a Dream… the problem is that I don’t have only one Dream… I have so many different ones… and I have no idea on how to bring them through. But I still feed them in my mind.

I take one tiny little dream at the time. Each new country I go to is a tiny dream. Each new place that stuns me is a tiny dream. Each experience I thought I would never get, is a tiny dream.

I started believing dreams come in small steps. Starting my Blog was a tiny dream. And here I am feeding it.

I dream of travelling the world.

I dream of having time and money to LIVE, to GO everywhere.

I dream of living in a place of peace… but never isolated.

I dream of a small place by the beach back home.

My plans to make it happen? None.

Let me rephrase: How am I going to make them happen? I have no idea.

I have no idea if I’ll ever get there. But I’m doing my share… step by step, one tiny dream at the time. Plus, dealing with setbacks. One setback at the time. Life is not a fairy tale. (Even I know that!)

But I still feed the idea they will happen somehow, somewhere and at some point.

Do you understand now why I’m a Daydreamer? I want it all. I desire it all. Everything that will make me happy one day. I want to believe it. I need to believe it.

And of course… as you might guess… I didn’t give up on Prince Charming yet. (I mean, I did. But I chose to Believe again…)

I still dream of the house with a garden and a pool. A cat and a dog. Kids.

Lots of laughter, probably some tears along the way.

Lots of kissing and hugging.

I dream of the One who will see Me.

I believe Life will find a way to bring me to my Dreams… I’m doing my share, as best as I can.

I hear many ladies saying there’s no need for the existence of Woman’s Day. As we are equal everyday in every aspect, and since women are nowadays free, independent and stronger Human Beings than ever. We are given the same job opportunities, we are treated as per our performance review and recognized for our diplomatic skills.

My questions are: are we really given the same job opportunities? Are we really treated as per our performance review? Are our diplomatic skills a real asset or plain common sense?

From my experience I can’t say I ever experienced obvious discrimination for being female. But I did get the feeling of not getting a promotion merely because I wasn’t a man. And I can say that it had nothing to do with company policy. I just had been unfortunate on the person responsible for making the decision. I was unfortunate on his perspective regarding skill sets. Or specifically, on my skill set.

I still progressed, just in a different direction, with other people, with different takes on how to manage people.

So nowadays, we are so used to this day-to-day equality that we seem to have forgotten that it hasn’t always been like this. There was a time in which Women weren’t allowed to vote. In which Women belonged in the kitchen, in the house looking after the children. They were not recognized as socially equal. And now here we are… at least we don’t feel inequality or discrimination in an obvious way. At most, we debate whether women are paid the same or get the same job opportunities… all of this if we are referring to the ‘civilized world’.

Let’s pretend for a minute we had been born in some lost corner of the world, where society didn’t evolve that much.

Let’s pretend for a minute we live in a country where women are stoned to death as a way of punishment? Where female mutilation is acceptable? Where girls can’t go to school simply because they are… girls? Where women can’t make a decision of going to the gym, to the doctor, to study, to travel? Where women aren’t allowed to drive? Where women are neither allowed to be in the same space as men nor shake their hands? Where the value of a daughter is a burden instead of a promising new Human Being in this world? Where a woman who became a widow is raped as part of the local ritual? Where children and teenagers are sold as mere objects? Where children and teenagers are to be married to old men?

And yes, this all exists in the 21st century around the world, in lost forgotten pieces of land which go by the name of Countries.

Each country has their own culture and let’s not mistake cultural traditions and habits with fundamental Human Rights. The world is changing. Many countries are adjusting their view on Women’s Rights, allowing their society to try and catch up with first world practices. But in spite of it… many countries are choosing not to move on and keep whatever heritage they have.

So, before we so quickly judge and reiterate ‘we don’t need a woman’s day’ because we are as free, strong and independent as men… why don’t we think again?

What perspective would we have, had we been born in a ‘third world’ country?

Is it my impression or we are living in a world full of the “Perfect” syndrome?

Do you ever feel like you need to be perfect, both inside and out?

You need to be beautiful, having a great body – exercise and diet to get it, you need to be smart, successful, knowing how to cook, knowing how to present yourself, keeping up with fashion trends (including make-up ones and everything about making your lashes look longer), striking super sexy photo poses, and somewhere in between keeping up with world news…. and being a great Human Being… uff… I’m tired already…

We live by the high standards of beauty and fitness magazines… they teach you how to be beautiful and healthy… Do they teach you how to feel at peace with yourself?

Do they teach you how to accept yourself, despite your imperfections?

Do they teach you how to stay true to yourself, in the kingdom of ruling external patterns?

The pressure of having a beautiful body, toned arms, abs and booty, amazing hair (cover those gray hairs that decided to make their sudden appearance!), perfect white and aligned teeth, perfect nails… and then you need to complement it all with great styling skills, branded bags, looking comfortable in heels, and I don’t know what else.

It tires me just by thinking of it all… I actually tried it for some time… but you know what?

I don’t have a perfect body. I don’t have perfect teeth. I don’t feel comfortable in heels and I don’t want to spend my money in branded bags. Oh, and I also can’t strike a proper pose… I just look silly while trying to do it. The clumsy me insists in not collaborating!! Should I be judged over it?

Should I ambition for all of that just because half of the female population craves for it?

I mean, I’m also not going to lie… Like any woman, I do appreciate a nice bag, and I’d absolutely love having sexy pose pictures, don’t get me wrong! But is it a driving factor in my life? No. And as much as I respect people who are driven by it, I like being respected for not being driven by it.

I learned to accept that about myself.

I learned how to accept my imperfect body.

I learned that I don’t want to sacrifice my love for chocolate to get a perfect body. My imperfect body has carried me through my life. And has not let me down so far.

I’m aware people judge you for your image, for how you dress, for how you speak, for how you show yourself. Is that healthy? Is it healthy that you live to impress others?

Is it healthy thinking your Prince Charming will fall in love with you by the way you look?

Well I decided it wasn’t healthy for me. And I’m much happier ever since. (I’m aware of my surrounding society though… I still live in one. It’s not as if I’m living in hermitage!)

But are we nice people because we look like nice people? Because we look perfect (or try)?

Some of us do our best to actually BE good people and even so, no one is perfect!

We’re all incredible generous but also incredible selfish under the right circumstances. Life isn’t a perfectly flat ocean. We shelter as much Good within as much Bad. We’re a pallet of different colors. Life isn’t in black&white shades only. Although sometimes it feels like it. But it’s not that simple.

So, what exactly is Perfect?

Why do we keep looking for it?

Why do we keep pretending to be someone other than ourselves? Why do we keep comparing ourselves? I do believe in striving and fighting to be better, to grow yourself but I also know I will never be perfect… not in my eyes, not in anyone else’s eyes.

And I gave up on it. And I’m comfortable with it. At least for now. Can’t tell for tomorrow.

This blog has in a way ‘set me free’. I’m going to take a risk here of being misunderstood and coming across as arrogant and selfish… but I don’t care much of what people will think if they read this. I value people’s opinion, yes. I value people’s feedback on my writing. I obviously like feeling that I’m not an alien and other people eventually resonate with some of this. But in the end… who am I writing for? For you or for me? And to be utterly honest… I’m doing it for me. But I still hope you like it.