About Heartbreaks

What can I say about Heartbreaks?
That thing that sometimes strikes you when you least expect it, other times when you’re predicting it somehow.
It doesn’t really matter when or how it strikes… it kills you anyway.
It pulls the ground off your feet and you’ll just free fall not knowing if there will be a soft landing. Well, I have news for you. It’s everything but a soft landing.
You crash. You break every little piece in you until nothing seems to be there anymore.
You can’t breathe deep anymore.
Your stomach is always aching.
It’s just emptiness and loneliness within.
You turn into tears for indefinite time.
You’re groundless and silent.
You are gone into a dark, empty place where you care about nothing but that person who is gone. You’re lost without them. Suddenly your routine changes.
You don’t know what to do.
You can’t stand the thought of being home alone.
You can’t stand the thought of being alone.
It’s a deep, dark hole. You don’t know how to climb out of it and you don’t want to climb out of it.
You just want to drown into self-pity and cry.
It’s the end of the world. The end of your world.
And that’s what matters to you.
No more “someone taking care of you and making you laugh”. No more “someone thinking of you”. No more sharing your love and cuddles, your thoughts, your inner intimate self. It’s just you. Again.
You can’t focus at work. You can’t eat. You can’t speak.
You question yourself: Why?!
Why did this happen? What did I do wrong?
Will someone ever love me again?
Will someone ever understand me again?
You rely on your friends to help you manage but there’s only so much they can do for you. They are there for you, not allowing you to be by yourself for a long time, listening to your heartbreak. Listening to your tears and mumbled words. Giving you hope. And that is already half of the pain taken from you.
You realize it needs to be your job to pick yourself up.
No one else can do it for you.
Slowly, you start reacting back to life. You’ll smile even if you don’t feel like it. You’ll drag yourself to do something.
And you miss the person you were before the world of tears.
So you start building yourself again. Picking up the scattered tiny pieces of you all over. And you understand that if you’re not strong enough, you’ll just be in that dark hole all the time.
And that’s not you.
Necessarily, each heartbreak changes you. It takes a piece of you which you never get back.
But you do come back to Life. A full life. Where you laugh again. Where you find yourself useful again. Beautiful again. Independent again. Some people go for endless rebound relationships, others find some peace in being with their friends and designing a new routine. One day at the time.
Make plans. Work on them.
Everything is still slippery, uncertain. And scary.
But there’s no way out. You’re still breathing.
Your heart is still beating.
You’re still moving, your body is working.
There’s Life in you. That’s your major gift.
But Human Nature is an unsettled one.
You always want more. You can’t find your Peace.
At least recognize that while you’re alive, you are not allowed to be dead inside.
Honor your gift. Honor the Life you were lucky enough to have been given.
Live. Be present.

heartbreaks

About Friendship

Thinking back in my life I realize just how important my friends have been.
They were there after my first break-up, then after my second break-up. Then there were other ‘mini-breakups’ (which I’ll speak about later on) and they were there. Because although they were mini, the pain was a big thing and it was real. And again, my friends were there to see me cry and to help me get back up again.
The thing is… it wasn’t always the same friends… Life has a way of twisting, turning and shaking in a never-ending, natural, dynamic way.
I wonder how some people just change their behavior in such an unexpected way. In my whole life I lost 2 friends and it was already too much. Still to this day I can’t explain why.
I come to the conclusion that my temper doesn’t help (sorry for that, working on it) but also that the people who love you, will love you with your flaws. Especially if you respect and love them regardless of everything else.
If you hurt someone, apologize.
If you’re rude to someone, and you just realize it later on, apologize anyway.
And you try and be better and avoid it. But if you really can’t, at least you know that the people you love will still be there and will tell you off if they have to.
And you’ll be humble enough to take it.
I struggle with people who just vanish from your life. What did you do wrong?
Where do you draw the line of ‘what did I do to push him/her away’ to ‘I’ve done everything I could’?
Where do you excuse yourself knowing it wasn’t your fault?
When does it become a conscious choice of ‘I don’t want this in my life’ and you make the decision of stepping back yourself instead of looking for it?
I compare friendships to relationships (with the obvious differences).
You have to nurture them and grow them. You have to commit to them.
You have to be present… not because you have to, but because you want to.
And ultimately, if you can’t be yourself, if you’re a burden, then it’s the wrong deal for you.
If your love and complete loyalty are not valued, something is not right and no need to insist.
Is Loyalty a dying value? Is it too much to ask for nowadays?
friendship

About Meeting People

So here we are.
Beautiful, confidant, independent women, over thirty (way over 30 in my case!) and still single. We make our own money, we take care of our own house, even our own car. We cook (if we want to), we work striving to grow a career… in a foreign country in the Middle East. You’ve done it all by yourself.
With no man by your side, no shoulder to cry on when it gets rough. No one to come home to. No one to cuddle you and warm your feet – you have the hot water bag for that! You’re strong as a bull but soft as a kitten. But no one really knows. Any of that.
And still single (I know I’ve said it before, just reinforcing the thought). You can’t meet anyone in this big, exotic, middle eastern place.
So… what could be better to meet people other than a dating app? Of course!! How could you not think of that before?! The male species are all represented in these dating apps. For sure, you’ll have plenty to choose from!!
Jokes aside now, shall we? What makes us, grown people, having our jobs, friends, family, turn to a dating app as way of meeting people?
What happened to the typical ways of meeting people? Why are these apps so successful?
Why do we need to turn to a ‘people catalogue’, browsing photos, deciding whether we ‘like’ them or not? It’s an online supermarket where you find people for every taste… and you don’t have to pay for it!! You find all sorts of guys, some more handsome than others. And you choose based on their beauty/physique.
If they like your looks too, lucky you, you’ll get a match. Uhuuuu!! And then?
Well, if you’re even luckier, he’ll start a conversation! Probably not an interesting one… ‘Hey, how are you?’, ‘Where are you from?’, ‘How long have you been living here?’, ‘What do you do?’ and most times, that’s it. Some ask for your Whatsapp number and continue chatting there.
You might just chat about the weather, but if you’re really lucky, you’ll find someone who actually is able to hold a decent conversation and raise your interest.
So, then you meet in person. Can be coffee, dinner, a drink…
And then, some guys just seem perfect. They seem the full package, as others you just know it’s not your thing.
Anything can happen from there on. Or absolutely nothing!
You might believe you’re in love just like that.
My question is WHY? Why do we search for love in someone you don’t know but suddenly, after one coffee, you already see him as the right guy because he’s completely your style… Or you can just be looking for… other affairs, which makes it all so much easier! It’s a clean shot. You just choose the one that suits you the most.
But most of us (from my experience, at least) are really looking for Love. And you get all happy thinking you’ll find love in one of these ‘volunteers’ to meet you. And then you crash. You might actually get burned. And then you cry. And then you start over. Yes… you do… You put yourself out there again and again. You expose yourself to these predators, getting crumbs, tiny pieces of love (in your mind only). Until eventually you become a predator yourself and loose track of who you really are. You loose track of the shiny bright person you are to become an obsessed ‘swiping’ predator.
How do we get to that point?
How do we go from beautiful, independent, confidant women to a needy, naive being who believes that what that guy is telling you is true?
In the end I don’t even believe any of these guys to be intrinsically a bad person. You’re just in different moments of life, with different goals. And again… you’re the one putting yourself out there.
I have so much to say about this… I have heard so many different things, met so many different people and I’ve been through so much.… I question myself… I’ll tell you all my stories and adventures over time. You’ll have a laugh.. or a cry! Not sure which one!
See you soon!… and hold your questions… answers will come!

about meeting someone